the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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