normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
