i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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