now i know why i became what i already was.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
