my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
