The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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