I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
