Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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