Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
