If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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