Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
