Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
