so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
