He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
