dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
