I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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