I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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