you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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