I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
