i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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