Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
