Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
