when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You're like the curious george of whores
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
