you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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