Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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