What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
