Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
