chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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