the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize