k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do herpes really smell.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
