I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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