remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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