worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
