I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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