How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
