I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I look better un-naked...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
