Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
