She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
