even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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