all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
