so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
