So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
