Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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