Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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