their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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