Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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