apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
