So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
