Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
