i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
