she was so not down for the gang bang
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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