Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
