wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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