Welp...herpes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
