sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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