So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
