naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
