it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
