I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
false alarm, still single
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
