Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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