just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
