she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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