Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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