somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
