I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
