i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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